The Drain Incident
by Serra-Of-Many-Names
Summary: James gets his hand stuck in a drain in the boys' showers. Marauders with a side of Lily.


Disclaimer: J.K Rowling owns everything mentioned in this fic except Lily's romance novel and Peter's buh-bo. About the buh-bo--This is derived from what my dad and I called our childhood security blankets.  
  
"It's broken," Sirius said flatly.  
  
"But I can fix it!" James insisted.  
  
"It's broken, James," said Remus gently, taking James's hand away from the offending object.  
  
James pulled his hand away from Remus. "I can fix it."  
  
"I don't see what the big deal is," Peter piped up. "It's just a drain!"  
  
"It is not 'just' a drain, Peter." James looked down at the drain with a hint of love in his eyes. "This drain has served me through good and bad, thick and thin. Like Peter and his buh-bo!"  
  
Everyone laughed except for Peter, who turned rather maroon. "James! Don't mention my buh-bo!"  
  
"I liked it," Remus offered. "It was a very nice shade of green, for a stuffed dog. If I recall correctly, however, Lily's cat tore it up."  
  
"It wasn't her fault Janey doesn't like stuffed animals," James said soothingly, before Peter could say anything else.  
  
"Ironic, that," Sirius remarked. "A green dog with felt teeth torn up by a skinny grey cat named Janey."  
  
James held up his hands. "All right, stop. Now let's get to work on this drain."  
  
* * *  
  
Lily was on her bed, enjoying one of her favorite books, when she heard a knock at the door. She quickly hid the book and went to the door, whereupon she found a panting Peter, Remus, and Sirius.  
  
"James wants to see you," said Peter, in between gasps.  
  
"He said something about your voice being the last thing he remembered..." Sirius added.  
  
Lily's brow furrowed. "Why? What's wrong?"  
  
"His hand is stuck in a drain in the boys' showers!" Remus burst out in a single breath.  
  
Lily almost had to laugh. "His hand is stuck in the drain?"  
  
Unable to speak, all three boys nodded.  
  
"And he wants to see me because he thinks he's dying."  
  
More nodding.  
  
Lily could hold back no longer. She burst into laughter, holding her mouth with one hand and her stomach with the other.  
  
"He said that if we didn't make it in time, to tell you he loves you," said Peter.  
  
Lily fell onto her back, rolling on the floor and laughing wildly. Sirius frowned at something under Lily's pillow. "What's that?"  
  
Almost immediately, Lily was fine. "Nothing, nothing. Let's go see James."  
  
"No, really, what is that?" Sirius walked into the room and pulled a small, pink book out from under Lily's pillow. "Flirting with Evil: A Romance by Milton Hoppertoad," he read off the cover. He frowned. "That's a name?"  
  
"Hey, let me see that." Peter walked over to Sirius's side and began to look at the book as Sirius flipped through it. "Wow, Lily, you can read this without vomiting? Cool!"  
  
Lily stomped into the room and grabbed her book back. "Let's go. And not another word," she added, seeing the look on Peter's face, "about the romance novel."  
  
* * *  
  
James knocked on the door to the showers. An echoey "All clear!" rang from inside, and they all entered.  
  
On the floor of one of the showers lay James, his hand caught very tightly in the drain. He looked up at Lily weakly, his face pale and covered in either sweat or water from the recently used shower's floor. "Oh, thank God it's you," he whispered.  
  
"For heaven's sakes, James, stop being such a baby!" Lily snapped.  
  
"I've only got a few moments..." said James hoarsely. "I...I want you to know...I love you..."  
  
"James, it's your hand that's caught in the drain, not your head. I'd think you'd be able to think better than this." Lily turned to the boys. "Everyone get in a line."  
  
"How come you get to be in front?" Peter whined.  
  
Lily drew a finger over her throat. Peter winced and got into line.  
  
"Alright, grab the person's waist in front of you and pull on the count of three."  
  
Sirius looked uncertain. "James, you won't mind if--"  
  
"If it'll get me out of here," said James, sounding normal now, "I don't care what you do."  
  
Lily bent down and grasped James's arm in both hands. "One...two...three...PULL!"  
  
Everyone pulled, but to no avail. James's hand remained lodged.  
  
"One...two...three...PULL!"  
  
Still nothing happened.  
  
"One...two...three...PULL!"  
  
The four strained their hardest, but still James's hand was stuck. Lily let go of James's arm, exhausted but still determined. "One of you, go get some butter or cold cream or...or something slippery!"  
  
"Why can't you--" Peter began, but thought better of it and ran off to fetch it.  
  
Lily knelt down by James's head. "There now. It'll be okay. We'll have your hand out before you can say--"  
  
"Wingardium Leviosa!" shouted Remus, pointing his wand at James.  
  
James rose by a few feet, but only as high as his arm would allow--his hand was still stuck. "OW!!! REMUS!!!"  
  
Remus shrugged. "It was worth a try."  
  
James crashed back down to the floor. He looked dazed for a few moments, then smiled up at Lily. "Girl. Preeeeety girl. Pretty long hair."  
  
Lily groaned and stood up. "How far is it to the hospital wing?"  
  
Peter ran in, clutching a jar of cold cream. He looked as though he'd just seen Dumbledore dancing down the hallway with a propeller beanie on his head, or something equally disturbing. "Janey just ran down the hall with a mouse in her mouth."  
  
"So? She's done that before," said Lily, shrugging.  
  
Peter shook his head. "Not a real mouse. A blue...stuffed...mouse. Like the one I used to have. And she...she...she stopped halfway down the hall and started tearing it to shreds with her little...razor...teeth..." He fell to the ground, convulsing. The cold cream rolled to Sirius's feet.  
  
Lily picked up the jar and spread some cold cream around the opening of the drain. She frowned at the jar. "Peter, whose cold cream is this?"  
  
"Professor McGonagall's," said Sirius, because Peter was too busy convulsing on the floor to say much. "He's stolen it before."  
  
Lily's eyes widened. "He STOLE her cold cream?!"  
  
Remus shrugged. "Nothing is too low for the Marauders. We have no ethics, you know."  
  
Lily groaned and kicked Peter. "Get UP, Pettigrew! We need you to help us pull!"  
  
Peter stared at the ceiling. "Little...razor...teeth..."  
  
Siruis and Remus hauled Peter to his feet. Remus slapped him. "It was just a stuffed mouse! It wasn't even real! For heaven's sakes, Peter, can't you forget about your buh-bo for once in your life?!"  
  
"No." Peter's legs gave out and he fell, almost pulling Remus and Sirius down with him. "Buh-bo..."  
  
On the floor and still dazed, James started to babble. "Bee bah buh bi bo...whee!" He waved up at his comrades. "Hi!"  
  
This was enough to bring Peter out of his reverie. "Whoa, what happened to him?"  
  
"Remus tried to levitate him out of the drain," Sirius explained. "It didn't quite work. He hit his head."  
  
"Ice fishing!" shouted James, making the others jump. He wrapped his arms around Sirius's leg. "Ice fishing!"  
  
"Um...right." Sirius tried to discreetly remove his leg from James's grip.  
  
"All right, everyone in a line!" Lily shouted, lining everyone up. "One...two...three...PULL!"  
  
"OWWW!"  
  
Everyone, James included, was hurled against the opposite wall. Peter rubbed the back of his head. "You know, Lily, by forcing me to be in the back, you were endangering my health!"  
  
"I never forced you to be in the back! You could have--Professor Dumbledore, hello!" said Lily, smiling.  
  
Dumbledore looked for a moment at the heap of teenagers. Lily untangled herself from the mess. "Professor...I can explain..."  
  
Dumbledore shook his head. "Mr. Pettigrew told Professor McGonagall the whole thing when she caught him stealing her cold cream. He did not, however, tell us you were here, Miss Evans. Five points from Gryffindor."  
  
"What?!" Peter exclaimed. "McGonagall already took points--ow!" he exclaimed as Lily elbowed him in the back.  
  
"True, Mr. Pettigrew, but having a girl in the boys' showers is nonetheless a violation of school rules." With that, Dumbledore left.  
  
James looked around. "Whoa...what happened?"  
  
"We'll explain it to you later," said Lily. "Right now, we all need a nice, long visit to the hospital ward..." 


End file.
